Change is in the Air

2017 has been momumental for many lives, whether it's been dealing with loved ones crossing, acts of nature or life's unexpected curveballs, things are moving and shifting in surprising ways.  It's tough to be human on this planet at times, no kidding!

In 2018 will be 10 years I've been on my own journey with celebr8wholeness; discovering how to be more transparent, loving, real and unconditionally accepting of myself; spirit, mind and body and in that time have experienced tremendous changes of healing, loss and transformation; most especially in the last year.  

This website is going through it's own change as well.  End of this year, it will no longer be in this format; a new one is emerging.  It may just simply be a blog or within a community; simple being the operative word of the day.  I'll continue posting at my other social media outlets, yet no longer posting here to save on having to back stuff up. 

Just giving a heads up to anyone who visits. Much love and thanks for stopping by and would love to see you visit where-ever the new environment will be.

Namaste,

Valerie

 

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found on google images

I Love You...On One Condition

I so loved the boys growing up…at times went a bit crazy over them; especially ones that made me feel all girly and sexy inside, with butterflies dancing around the stomach.  I invested a lot of time ideally imagining who the right prince or king would be; would he be endearing and kind, or an edgy bad boy?  

 

Unbeknownst to how childhood conditioning created my rose colored glasses, I’d invariably attract the bad boy; the hot drive-by, love em, leave em kind.  My b.s. radar was broken so it took quite a few hard knocks to change direction; or so I thought.

 

My first marital relationship quickly turned into a hot mess.  Without disclosing too many gory details, out of respect for children born of this relationship, let’s just say it taught how wearing rose colored glasses can be the cruelest of plot twists.  

 

Had I followed inner guidance's blaring flags during the initial dating process, would have caught the "behind the scenes" narratives; yet by focusing too far in the direction of appearances that held familiar spirits around dysfunctional boundaries, a creation of confusing messages got activated in my mind.  

 

The confusion centered around whether or not a marital commitment would be the best avenue to take with regards to our son; who was six months old by that time.  Being raised in a society where having a child out of wedlock still felt taboo, we both jumped into this arrangement, more to appease his family rather than ourselves, which quickly surfaced after legally binding ourselves and moving across the states to a new environment.

 

The entire theme of this relationship centered on becoming courageously empowered through discovering ways to trust and value my own intuitive gut and simultaneously find an avenue to financially stand on my own two feet in the midst of constant, disempowering verbal and mental shade thrown my way; both publicly and privately.

 

I learned to dig deep inside my heart and find a safer space with spirit who would assist with the remembrance of innate worth; as it was obvious there was never going to be a happy ending with a man I literally changed an entire livelihood, physical environment and last name for. 

 

Needless to say, it was a tough and challenging road that finally took a right turn 7 years and two children later.  The day I courageously drew a line in the sand around what was no longer going to be tolerated was the most liberating experience in my grown up life.

 

Fast forward three years later.  Marital relationship number two.  Totally different personality with the dating process starting out fun, exciting and heartfelt.  We seemed to connect on a deeper level of intimate friendship and care.  He appeared calm and wise in his engagement with my two children and very attentive to my needs and desires.

 

He seemed to have a great relationship with his family and friends.  We were in our 30’s and things felt like they clicked as I was attracted to all the activities he was involved, as they seemingly resonated with similar values of mine as well.  

 

Within the first year of our marriage, it became evident that marrying someone too early in the dating process, who had never been a parent, was not the best choice for either of us.  

 

Shortly after our wedding night, learned I was pregnant for the third time.  After her birth, absent any extra family support, the initial romance soon got buried under challenges that blending a family together can bring.

 

It became easier for this man to stay on the fence of indecision rather than jump in with both feet regarding important decisions that required both our input; so eventually found myself alone dealing with the majority of parenting choices and responsibilities.  Too many issues created anxiety for him, so he defaulted to his conditioned response of ignoring stuff til it went away. 

 

Although this definitely wasn't what I signed up for, the inability to express emotional frustration and disappointment created lots of see-saw, fight or flight behaviors during our most challenging conversations.  

 

I agreed to let go of an outside career and became a full time mother when our child was born, yet that action went completely unacknowledged and unappreciated; biting me in the ass years later while attempting to build an entrepreneurial career and seeking spousal support towards the endeavor.

 

The initial love did not last because it was based on a set of superficial, unconscious conditions and expectations neither of us had ever verbalized until the marriage became a state of emergency through attempting outside counsel to put it back together. 

 

In hindsight, we simply never built a lasting commitment of well-being in our relationship and that reality slowly seeped into our communications by creating numerous rips and tears in the fabric of our particular circumstances.  The marriage became in paper only while we endured one another out of a conditional obligation of co-parenting three kids.

 

In that marriage I discovered how hidden conditions and expectations can wreck havoc on relationships designed to expand and grow.  Human beings just don’t stay the same, regardless of the appearances of daily habits and behaviors.  We arrive as souls designed to evolve through life’s ever-changing circumstances, and if we don’t, we end up stunting our natural, evolutionary process.  

 

Nature is wise in the teaching of there always being a season for everything.  

 

I learned a lot about owning and expressing my needs, wants and desires in my second marriage.  Life in that relationship helped create healthier boundaries regarding self love and acceptance, as well as a daily regime that nurtures, honors and acknowledges inherent value and worth; regardless of anyone else’s opinion or validation.

 

Regardless of two divorces, I’m still open to romantic love with a man as it can be fun and sexy with the right partner; yet that path has to begin with ourselves, as it’s the only way to know for sure whether or not the love and honor we exchange is of equal measure. 

 

If you find yourself in a relationship that is neither growing, nor expanding, I invite you both to do yourselves a favor; either find your way back to the love that attracted you in the first place, or part ways in the most amicable way possible.  

 

 

For an interesting article regarding when it may be time for couple's therapy   

 

 

Life is too short and love is to precious to simply endure, or exist within a dying or broken down relationship.

 

Til Next Time,

 

Namaste,

 

Valerie

Talk About It

Be open to expressing what matters and is important; I didn’t for a very long time.  During childhood, and many years thereafter, being silent, freezing up or cowering in corners when the worst between our parents occurred was a regular mantra running through my head.

 

I’d attend school and pretend everything was okay, or lose myself in books as a distraction from walking on eggshells whenever our parents were together for any length of time.  

 

I covered up the violence at home, especially when it personally impacted me.  I loved my parents and didn’t want them to be in any kind of trouble.  Too young to understand the difference between love, loyalty and abuse.

 

Without a healthy sense of boundaries in any relationship, I unconsciously hid behind a mask of happy go lucky without realizing how this would effect my relationships as an adult.

 

Without understanding what love or respect looked like, I didn’t speak or stand up as a teen when dating boys who's only focus was on what they wanted rather than dating one's who respected and cared about what we both desired.

 

By then the conditioning of freezing like a deer in headlights during uncomfortable moments had taken shape and I accommodated them out of fear, insecurity and an enormous desire to be loved and wanted by someone.

 

For years the cost of wearing a mask of emotional denial to the outside world, coupled with never learning ways to stand up for myself, resulted in having an unhealthy ego around self care, as well as missed opportunities towards healing and transforming lies I'd mistaken as truths until seeking outside help.

 

Some of those lies, mingled with inner shame and blame, resulted in not having a healthy sense of skepticism or discernment around another's ulterior motives.

 

It wasn’t until giving birth to the first child, I understood what agape love truly meant.  It also took years after the birth of the third, as well as experiencing two divorces, til I discovered what a deeper understanding and appreciation for self love and healthy boundaries can bring to experiencing harmony and balance; inside and out. 

 

This is a gist of the wisdom and understanding gleaned through my own growing pains, experiences and successes.

 

Healthy, loving parents are not perfect, nor pretend to be.  They're human and make mistakes, yet never abuse their children in any way shape or form; spiritually, mentally, emotionally or physically; no matter what!

 

Healthy, loving parents don't expose their children to violence; nor do they control, manipulate or demand respect and loyalty from them.  

 

Healthy, loving parents protect their child’s innocence by providing a safe, nurturing, creative and free will thinking environment. They assist with helping them become what their soul came to evolve by allowing them to discover how their inherent, natural gifts and talents contribute to their life and purpose.

 

Healthy, loving parents have good boundaries of self care between themselves and their children; understanding their role will change and evolve through the years of raising this precious being who chose their DNA towards becoming human in the first place.

 

Being a parent is the most sacred work of honor and privilege on the planet; we are raising future citizens for the betterment of this world.

 

Although it took years of derailments, detours and near misses to arrive at a point of expressing my truth and experiences, am thankful for the wisdom to know the difference between unconditional love and hate.

 

I'm all heart without apology, and choose divine love every time.

 

If you find yourself hurting or confused about what love truly means, or the value of your inherent worth, find someone and talk about it - your life is priceless!  

 

To find support for domestic or sexual abuse - click here

 

To find support for children or adult children of alcoholics  -  click here

 

Namaste,

 

Valerie 

Everlasting Sacred Flame of Life

Human rules can feel quite conditional, unforgiving and rather harsh at times; resulting in blocking infinite light and hope at the end of our tunnels.  

 

Yet the sacred flame of life has proven there is no depth of space or length of time that love ceases to exist…love travels to the depths of hell and resurrects our hearts with the power of grace.

 

In the eye of a storm surrounding chaotic collisions…love strengthens us;

 

In the maddening darkness of sheer terror unfolding…love emboldens us;

 

In the aftermath of violent consequences…love gently collects the shattered remnants and weaves them into a magnificent mosaic of strength and courage.

 

In the shredded fringes of bleeding heart betrayals….love softens the edges;

 

In the fragments of neglect and abandonment…love fiercely clings to us;

 

In the bloody war of catastrophic choices and consequences…love soothes us;

 

In misguided intentions and errors of perceptions…love teaches us forgiveness;

 

In the burdening weight and weariness of endurance…love uplifts us;

 

In the dying embers of disappointing yesteryear…love encourages us; 

 

In a crushing blow of defeat…love persuades us to arise and take the next step.

 

In the un-manifested yearning of deeply held desires…love calls forth hope;

 

Through the multitude of detours and derailments…love smoothes the gaps;

 

In the pause between breaths…love nourishes our hearts;

 

In the stillness of the night where all is serenely quiet…love caresses us;

 

Swirling, whirling soft as snowflakes; gentle as a breeze…love beckons our hearts.

 

Love’s eternal flame sets us free through the power of breath and miracle of being;

 

Love is the everlasting Sacred Flame of Life at the end of every tunnel.

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Sisterhood with Women's March

Regardless of whether or not you were for or against the march of women over the weekend, the one component that activated inspiration was witnessing masses of women using their minds, voices and bodies in unity with one another.  

Article written from William Henry - click on this link for the article  

New York Times sharing pics of the Masses of united women around the world

Till Next Time,

Namaste,

 Valerie

Updates to website

Due to some website updates and changes, found a glitch on contact page -  so while things are being worked out, any inquiries can be sent to  This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.  or through my other social media outlets  ~Namaste and Blessings, Valerie

Are Carrots healthy For You?

Read a great article about carrots from the ezine Eating Healthy by Verywell.  I use carrots in a multitude of ways, especially since they are good for the eyes and have great fiber.  I actually made a kale and black eye pea soup with carrots included that was so tasty! As we mature, our bodies produce less enzymes and raw veggies are great for that.  Since this is a veggie that does contain sugars, just be mindful of the amount you consume, otherwise get creative with them, as they are available year round in most markets!

Benefits of Carrots

 

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