Be open to expressing what matters and is important; I didn’t for a very long time. During childhood, and many years thereafter, being silent, freezing up or cowering in corners when the worst between our parents occurred was a regular mantra running through my head.
I’d attend school and pretend everything was okay, or lose myself in books as a distraction from walking on eggshells whenever our parents were together for any length of time.
I covered up the violence at home, especially when it personally impacted me. I loved my parents and didn’t want them to be in any kind of trouble. Too young to understand the difference between love, loyalty and abuse.
Without a healthy sense of boundaries in any relationship, I unconsciously hid behind a mask of happy go lucky without realizing how this would effect my relationships as an adult.
Without understanding what love or respect looked like, I didn’t speak or stand up as a teen when dating boys who's only focus was on what they wanted rather than dating one's who respected and cared about what we both desired.
By then the conditioning of freezing like a deer in headlights during uncomfortable moments had taken shape and I accommodated them out of fear, insecurity and an enormous desire to be loved and wanted by someone.
For years the cost of wearing a mask of emotional denial to the outside world, coupled with never learning ways to stand up for myself, resulted in having an unhealthy ego around self care, as well as missed opportunities towards healing and transforming lies I'd mistaken as truths until seeking outside help.
Some of those lies, mingled with inner shame and blame, resulted in not having a healthy sense of skepticism or discernment around another's ulterior motives.
It wasn’t until giving birth to the first child, I understood what agape love truly meant. It also took years after the birth of the third, as well as experiencing two divorces, til I discovered what a deeper understanding and appreciation for self love and healthy boundaries can bring to experiencing harmony and balance; inside and out.
This is a gist of the wisdom and understanding gleaned through my own growing pains, experiences and successes.
Healthy, loving parents are not perfect, nor pretend to be. They're human and make mistakes, yet never abuse their children in any way shape or form; spiritually, mentally, emotionally or physically; no matter what!
Healthy, loving parents don't expose their children to violence; nor do they control, manipulate or demand respect and loyalty from them.
Healthy, loving parents protect their child’s innocence by providing a safe, nurturing, creative and free will thinking environment. They assist with helping them become what their soul came to evolve by allowing them to discover how their inherent, natural gifts and talents contribute to their life and purpose.
Healthy, loving parents have good boundaries of self care between themselves and their children; understanding their role will change and evolve through the years of raising this precious being who chose their DNA towards becoming human in the first place.
Being a parent is the most sacred work of honor and privilege on the planet; we are raising future citizens for the betterment of this world.
Although it took years of derailments, detours and near misses to arrive at a point of expressing my truth and experiences, am thankful for the wisdom to know the difference between unconditional love and hate.
I'm all heart without apology, and choose divine love every time.
If you find yourself hurting or confused about what love truly means, or the value of your inherent worth, find someone and talk about it - your life is priceless!
To find support for domestic or sexual abuse - click here
To find support for children or adult children of alcoholics - click here